Talk is Golden

I generally do not like talking that much. It wears me out. I like to hear other people talk, but not too much. I used to be one of those who socially did not know how to talk enough. Lately (the past year or so), I’ve 180′d into the person who crosses the border of talking too much. I am acutely aware of when I overtalk-it’s very much the same sensation for me as when I venture from the tipsy range onto the drunk border. In that case, my eyes have trouble not rolling. I seem to be the only one to ever notice this, which is darn surprising because in my mind I’m imagining that I look like I’m going into an epilectic fit. So, when I talk too much I feel quite similar, but for some reason I cannot stop myself! Well, tonight there was a discussion group event about the church in America. I really wanted to go, then realized that every Wednesday for the past two months I’ve chosen to interact with make-believe lives more than real lives. Especially if I’m to be talking about the church that I haven’t been involved in, acting like Miss Opinionated, I’d feel really stupid. Well, I went anyways, and oddly was blessed in this setting of real people regardless of my penchant for the fake world. I even got answers from the Spirit at this group. I usually personally feel like God’s favorite thing is to hide the answers from us and make us wait a reaaaallly long time for them…but in a playful way. Well, I didn’t come for answers or expect answers, and I got an answer. Simple but strong and clear in a way that I know it is an answer, not a thought. From the medley of other people’s opinions, I learned about God’s hunkering for the mystery, not to bewilder us, but to teach us things at the rate we can grasp them and also to develop trust in Him.

See, for quite awhile now I’ve feared those “messy” spots in relationships, the spots where you really want to be a great friend to someone but you just don’t know which is the right path between two very opposite paths that are available. Everyone in the world deals with this on a daily basis, I’m just sensitive to it because I am terrible at confrontation. Tonight I learned that leaving it a mystery is ok. Just act, and when you don’t know what to do, act anyways and hope the Spirit is guiding you. Until I develop a more mature relationship with God, that’s how it’s going to be. And that’s part of learning maturity in Him. And He’s ok with that. 

The point of this blog is that often times I feel like talking is futile, repetitive, surfacy, etc. But really, the ideas inside of our heads are special-we wouldn’t be special otherwise. And talking, even if it’s surfacy, is part of community. God likes that.  =)